Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, no stranger to more unorthodox feminist media campaigns (like creating her very own Barbie Doll, Lil Gretch) stunned in a new Instagram Reel this week.
The reel opens—a pretty girl in a pink outfit (Instagram propagandist Liz Plank) is on her knees, eyes closed, smiling, waiting. She opens her mouth, tongue agape, as a single Dorito (Nacho Cheese flavor by the look of it) is placed directly into her mouth by a woman standing before her. She chews and swallows it ecstatically, shaking her head in gratitude. The camera pans, revealing her junk-food dominatrix is none other than our esteemed governor, wearing an ill-fitting, camo patterned Harris-Walz hat. Whitmer looks directly into the camera as Nelly & Kelly Rowland’s 2002 track “Dilemma” plays, her icy gaze signaling… she knows exactly what she’s doing.
Good girl. Eat your Dorito. This is real feminism.
Viewers were quick to point out the obvious eucharistic analogy, Whitmer as the priest placing the wafer on the tongue of her waiting supplicant. Sacrilege aside, it’s a terribly fitting metaphor. Forget the body of Christ, Gretchen has her own holy communion—processed cornmeal coated in MSG, fake food designed to taste synthetically wholesome, leaving you obese yet malnourished. Score one for the Whitmer PR team. They sure do know their brand.
For the less religious, the scene strikes as the sort of obvious, over the top, porn-brained stunt designed to appeal to the digital rapaciousness of the zoomer generation. Props again to the Whitmer team for seeking out a younger, hipper audience. Zoomer boys and girls proclaiming “M-mommy?” as she spoon feeds them processed garbage. The future is grim, the internet was a mistake. Repent, the end is nigh.
According to Plank, the video is a recognition of Whitmer’s support for the 2022 CHIPS Act, which gave billions in funding to the semiconductor industry. Clearly, it’s a loose association at best. Moreover, it comes at a particularly awkward time, with the Michigan Democratic Party currently under fire for sending $175 million in funding for a Chinese Communist Party affiliated company, Gotion, to build an EV battery plant in Michigan. Whitmer’s tech credentials are in hot water, and this is supposed to boost them.
This looked like the beginning to a P. Diddy style “freak off,” not a sponsored influencer post for a sitting governor. Like the intro to a porn video, something under the “softcore femdom” category. No accidents here—the porn industry is an outspoken advocate and funder of the Democratic Party, currently running a $100k advertising campaign titled Hands Off My Porn.
This campaign is running ads on porn sites directly. Another new model for the Democrats, potentially. Maybe they’ll even upload this reel directly to PornHub. Spool up the MKUltra brainwashing, get inside their heads subconsciously.
The porn industry supports the Democrats, and the Democrats embrace the porn industry’s aesthetics in turn. It’s so crudely Machiavellian, I can’t even hate it. This truly is the future for a decrepit society drunk on cheap digital sexuality. Give it a decade and we might be watching half-nude debates live streamed on OnlyFans. Presidential campaigns funded by “selling content” in the DMs.
Why stop here, Whitmer acolytes? Go full tilt. Gretchen Whitmer ASMR video slowly eating a hot dog in 4k. New Whitmer campaign slogan, “Vote for Mommy Whitmer.”
A Gretchen Whitmer findom fundraising campaign—donate to Gretchen, you worthless paypigs. These are all viable strategies for a forward-thinking, sex-positive, leftist politician in 2024. Sex work is real work, didn’t you know, and that now extends to the political arena.
Bobby Mars is an artist, alter ego, and former art professor. Follow him on X @bobby_on_mars.
