By some accounts, the University of Michigan Wolverines have the largest college fanbase in the nation. With more than 690,000 living alumni, this comes as no surprise.
There’s a larger group, however, that makes up the bulk of U-M’s fanbase—and they have as much right to root for Michigan as anyone else.
Walmart Wolverines, that’s what we called them in my college days. You see, I’m one of the privileged elite who actually went to U-M. I paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for the right to sit in libtard professors’ lectures and get black-out drunk at Michigan football tailgates. I’m a real “Michigan Man,” not like those plebs who never even went here.
That’s the logic behind the pernicious elitism within the U-M fanbase. There really is, in many circles, an attitude of, well, we actually went to the school, unlike the rest of these heathens. They just bought a T-shirt at Walmart. They’re not true fans like us.
Sports networks are indulging it now too. Fox Sports made a stunt of going around U-M tailgates and asking fans if they actually went to Michigan. It shared this attitude of derisiveness, as if they were exposing these fans for being phoneys or something.
It ends now. As a U-M alum, and in my capacity as art director of Michigan Enjoyer and therefore the aesthetic tastemaker of the state of Michigan, I hereby decree that Walmart Wolverines are completely valid Michigan fans.
In some cases, they have even more of a right to wear the Maize and Blue than alumni. They’re often dedicated to Michigan in ways that those who went to the school take for granted.
Growing up, one of my friends was a Walmart Wolverine. He’d never even been to Ann Arbor, but he loved the football team. Half his wardrobe was Michigan gear, and he rooted for the Wolverines long before I even considered going to school there.
I wasn’t a fan at all previously, it was simply the best school I got into. I became a fan by going there. His first time in Ann Arbor was my sophomore year. He drove for hours and slept on the cold wooden floor of my dorm room just to go to a game.
He still cares more about Michigan football than I ever did or ever will. It’s not right, or accurate, to call fans like that posers and fans like me authentic.
Part of the elitism is aesthetic. Walmart Wolverines aren’t known for their good taste, I’ll admit that.
They’re characterized by decidedly off-brand Michigan gear, usually with designs that don’t quite live up to the official U-M Maize and Blue color palette. They call them Walmart Wolverines because they bought their gear at Walmart, and yeah, it often looks like they did.
Their hats and shirts are usually too yellow, that’s the classic tell. Maize is supposed to be a lighter yellow, not a deep mustard. The Block M shouldn’t have an outline around it. Officially licensed merch is usually more subtle.
So are the alumni, in fact. You don’t usually see the Michigan alums in the crowd with face paint, or winged helmets painted on their bald heads. Where’s the dedication, Michigan alums?
I only know one Michigan alum with a Michigan tattoo, and he got it wasted in Texas immediately after the 2023 National Championship win.
Block M tattoos are common among the Walmart Wolverines, however. Just another way they prove that they’re the real fans, and the alumni are the posers.
It’s ridiculous too, in the context of the current professionalization of college sports, to belittle anyone for being a fan of any team. These are massive football programs, nationally televised, which spend millions on marketing every year. They want fans and spend big bucks to get them.
They spend money on players too, now. Bryce Underwood received a $12.5M NIL deal just to come play at Michigan, a huge chunk of it financed and supported by billionaire Larry Ellison, and put together by Michigan superfan Dave Portnoy.
Ellison’s current wife went to U-M, and so did Portnoy, but in a way, they’re just the ultimate Walmart Wolverines. Buying their way into the fandom with millions, in the same way a broke Michigander in a trailer park buys a Michigan shirt at Meijer.
It’s all the same thing really, whether you’re buying a $20 t-shirt, a $300k degree, or a $12.5M quarterback. You’re buying in, you’re associating yourself with the team, choosing to root for them for one reason or another.
No one has any more of a claim to being a Michigan fan than anyone else. At some point, every fan (or their parents) made a choice to support the Wolverines. We’re the largest fanbase in the nation, and we should be proud of that and let go of this shameful attitude of elitism that belittles others who wear the Maize and Blue.
We’re all Walmart Wolverines, in the end, even if some of us have good taste.
Bobby Mars is art director of Michigan Enjoyer. Follow him on X @bobby_on_mars.
