Fear and Loathing at the NFL Draft

The NFL draft in Detroit. I know nothing about football, but from what I can tell, the sport amounts to a new TV religion—it takes men, pits them against each other, and, through highlights and instant replay, transforms them into demi-Gods. Americans seem to really like this.

I’m even more confused by the fans. By the end of the weekend, over three quarters of a million people would come to the draft in Detroit to watch selections from bureaucratic committees play out on stage. Shattering every previous record, eight times more people came to Detroit for the draft than for the Super Bowl when it came to town in 2006. Economists estimate $165 million “net economic impact” from the event, compared to a projection from the same group of just $49 million in 2006.

What could possibly explain this demographic shift? Why would more people come to Detroit to watch a very boring draft than for the biggest game in the country and basically a national holiday? And in only twenty years’ time?

A religious instinct funneled into entertainment. A search for meaning. I can’t quite make sense of it.

So, I sat my ass down and listened…

…to a small blond girl and her they/them friend explain the importance of the NFL draft.

She’s been studying the history of her team. Analyzing strengths and weaknesses. Crafting a draft strategy. Would her choices match those of the scouts and team executives? She would see.

She uses first-person pronouns. “We have to select more offensive players this year.” “With the right picks, this could really be our year.” I suppress my smirk whenever she describes the present-day coffle of muscular athletes won in bids and traded across the nation for home entertainment as “my team.”

She and her friend are obvious outliers. The draft attracts mostly middle-aged men, who bring their families to participate in this special occasion. They wear the same jerseys and, as far as conversions go, I don’t come across any who have adopted their wife’s favorite team.