Canadians are afraid. Soon-to-be President Trump is calling them out for their egregious trade surplus with the U.S. and the flow of fentanyl through the border, threatening a 25% tariff if things don’t shape up. This would be ruinous to the Canadian economy, and they’re begging to maintain a free trade agreement.
The thing is, we already have a free trade union in North America. It’s called the United States of America. If Canada wants free trade, it should join.
Look, the Canadian economy is completely dependent not only on exports to the U.S., but on a favorable trade surplus. A full quarter of its GDP relies on exports to America, and the more than $120 billion trade surplus accounts for nearly 6% of Canadian GDP. That’s why they’re so invested and why they’re doing things like financing the new Gordie Howe bridge.
It’s not simply that our economies are intertwined, it’s that Canada relies on this favorable arrangement to keep its increasingly precarious economy afloat. The Canadian dollar is plummeting, a paltry 70 cents to the U.S. dollar right now. Great time for Christmas shopping across the border, Americans!
A trade war with the U.S. is a legitimate threat to Canada, and they’re right to be afraid. So far, Canada has done two things in response.
First, they filmed and aired a commercial in U.S. border states (lol, lmao even). It came on during the football game at my parent’s house and everyone laughed. “We’re your friends, you need us, please don’t hurt us,” something like that. Desperate times for Canada when they need to launch a PR campaign in America. Usually we like our quaint, pleasant neighbors to the north and their funny accents just fine, eh.
Failing to make headway with the usual routine, they’re now making threats. Ontario Premier Doug Ford is threatening oil exports to Michigan, specifically, promising to stop the flow of Canadian oil and make energy prices in Michigan “unaffordable.” Not sure whether that will bolster Canada’s image.
At any rate, it’s no real threat. Canada relies on those energy exports far more than we do, and some quick shifts rerouting American crude oil production would solve the problem. Maybe if Michigan’s government wasn’t waging a war on its own state’s oil production, this would be even less of a threat.
We could go line by line on the manifold ways Canada depends on the USA. Do we even need to mention the U.S. military, our nuclear umbrella, and Canada’s reliance on it?
What matters, in the end, is this: We already have a free trade union of our own, defined by the Constitution. If Canada wants in, there are procedures for them to apply for membership.
Lest we forget, the Union exists for two main reasons—collective defense and free trade between the states. The commerce clause of the U.S. Constitution states specifically that Congress alone has the power to regulate trade between them. In practice, this means that individual states can’t levy taxes on each other independently. Michigan can’t tariff goods from Ohio, for example (as much as we might want to). Free trade between the states is guaranteed, with all regulations set at the federal level.
Every state in the Union has to play by the same rules, and, in turn, has the same benefits and responsibilities. The states benefit from free trade between themselves, creating the most robust economy the world has ever seen. They benefit from collective defense, maintaining the most powerful military the world has ever seen. In turn, they have responsibilities: Their residents contribute to the federal tax system, send representatives to Congress, serve in the military, so on and so forth.
Canada wants to have its cake and eat it too. It wants to be its own nation without accountability, while also benefiting from free trade with the Union. Free trade, which I might add, has been merely an excuse to pick our pockets.
If Canada wants free trade with the U.S., it should apply to join the Union. The procedure is fairly simple. It’s been done 37 times since the signing of the Constitution. Canadian provinces would simply need to draft state constitutions, elect state officers, and conduct referendums in favor of joining. Congress, by an act of simple majority, can then admit these new states into the Union, subject to the president’s signature.
Michigan, once known as the “Michigan Territory,” followed this process in 1835. It took two years for admission, due to the border dispute with Ohio over the Toledo strip. Less than 200 years ago, folks, which in the grand scheme of history is not that long.
Luckily for Canada, there’s no prejudice against new states. The Constitution even has an “equal footing” clause. All new states enjoy the same privileges as old states, with no new regulations. Ontario, or Alberta (Albertans especially might go for this), could become a U.S. state and have its own senators that year. Quebec can keep speaking French, given that we have no official language in the U.S. We promise not to outlaw maple syrup, or gravy on French fries, as conditions for joining. Even if we wanted to, the Constitution prohibits it.
Join us, Canadians. Put aside your loyalist legacy and come home where you belong. Imagine the strength of a Union together, reaching all the way to the farthest north. We truly are friends, in the end, we need not bicker—but if you want the benefits of free trade, you owe us your allegiance and your participation in collective governance, the same responsibilities we in the Union owe one another.
Bobby Mars is an artist, alter ego, and former art professor. Follow him on X @bobby_on_mars.
