Petoskey — Dogs are taking over. They are invading restaurants, conquering stores, ascending to a place in our society they have never been before. They are replacing children.

A woman pushes a stroller down the street. In another era, there would always be a little baby in there. Not anymore. It’s a great cultural battle going on in our society. Kids vs. dogs.

The battleground is everywhere. The street, the shop, the table, the stroller. Most recently, the battle is being fought on the playground. I’m there a lot with my kids. Owners let their dogs run around the playground without leashes. A family arrives at the playground, and the owner slowly and begrudgingly takes the dog away. The owner is a bit resentful, but deep down he knows it’s a playground. 

Others are bolder. Sometimes a dog owner approaches and asks if they can take their dog off the leash and let them run around. They swear “they are so friendly.” When parents like me say no, they are, more often than not, offended. “I guess I will find somewhere else to go,” they mutter. They skulk away. Playgrounds are for kids. That’s not a new idea; it shouldn’t need to be said.

The dog obsessives assume that everyone has sufficiently internalized the thrust of the degenerating culture in 2024. And that thrust says that dogs are just like kids. Being a “dog parent” isn’t a figment of a spoiled imagination, but a legitimate title, one that even deserves respect. They are betting on the fact that everyone is too chicken to dare remind them that dogs are not children, and that children’s playgrounds aren’t dog parks. 

The dog obsessives wonder, “Why can’t everyone share the playground?” “Why can’t we all just get along?” One probable scenario: One day after school, a dog will be running around the school playground and bite a kid. The parents will get in a dispute with the dog’s owner. They will drag the school into it. Eventually, in order to mitigate any future risk, the playground will be locked up anytime outside school hours. Kids will lose their playground because of dogs that weren’t supposed to be there in the first place.

The reasonable always lose under a tyranny of the unreasonable. 

The invasion continues at Meijer. My local store was renovated, and the pet section has grown larger than ever previously imagined. Move over baby section, the dogs need more shelving! Our grandparents wouldn’t be able to wrap their heads around the size of this special area catering to America’s furry royalty. A new sign on the back wall reads, “Pets are Family.” There is a doggy diaper section. There is a soup section too. Bisques, stews, broth. A refrigerator that proudly displays food from Freshpet. “Natural. No Preservatives. Gently Cooked.” Only the best for family. 

This isn’t San Francisco or the Upper East Side. You can expect such decadence in those kinds of places, but not here. This is in Northern Michigan. At Meijer.

It’s not hard to understand what’s going on. Once we grow up and no longer need to be cared for, we, in turn, long to care for something else. We want to become a protector, a provider. It’s a noble longing. It’s part of what makes us human. This is where children enter the picture. 

But if we don’t have children to care for, we seek out other things to fill the role. Pets are an obvious choice. They live and breathe. They need food and, occasionally, the doctor. We bond with them and give them names. It’s easy to see why Meijer paints “Pets are Family” on the wall. They give people what they ache for.

Yet there are still children around. Families are being formed. New babies come into this world every single moment of every single day. And while it’s not hard to see why people try to replace children with dogs, it cannot be. It will not be.

Our society is not made for dogs. We don’t live to serve pets. Society may appear to be upside down, and people may be confused as to the role of animals. Dogs may be invading for the time being, but children are, and always will be, more important.

Children will inherit tomorrow, not pets.

O.W. Root is a writer based in Northern Michigan, with a focus on nature, food, style, and culture. Follow him on X @NecktieSalvage.